No Farting with a Moose
by randominuyasha
Summary: When Zim is close to completing the invention that might finally win the battle, earthquakes plague his lab!  Is Gir at work again, or is it his arch Nemesis? One-shot, very random.


The preparations for his latest ingenious plan were coming together quite nicely, and as the stout alien focused every ounce of his concentration into putting the microscopic chip into its holding cage he couldn't help but think of how amazing it would be when the earth was finally his for the taking. With Dib out of the way nothing would stop him.

His snake-like tongue sticking out in a show of pure focus, the chip was very nearly in place. However, nothing ever seemed to go as planned around his base, and for that he usually blamed his robot slave. Just as he was about to drop the chip into its cage a particularly loud noise shook the base, causing him to flail his arms and, in turn, send the chip flying out of the tweezers and across the room, where it land unseen amongst his pile of failed creations.

He grunted in pain as his teeth clenched down on his tongue while he tried to regain his balance, and once that had been accomplished, his eyes narrowed nastily. His voice rang out through the base, "GIR! Get down here this INSTANT!"

It took a moment, but the robot's head soon poked out of one of the many chutes that led to the underground section of his base. It looked delightfully oblivious, as usual, and Zim immediately knew that whatever it had done, it didn't realize that it was bad.

Continuing with the oblivious theme it burst out spastically, "WHAT YA DOIN?"

The green-skinned alien replied with a heavy sigh, "I WAS completing a robot that would destroy the Dib-Stink for good, but because of you that won't be happening any time soon. STUPID little chip and STUPID big explosion-thing..."

"Imma find the chip!"

Before Zim can react the robot races off out of sight. He merely hangs his head in defeat, getting the feeling that there isn't much he can do for the robot. He was about to retire himself to making a new chip when another massive earthquake pounded the house. This time it was accompanied by alarms going off in every which direction. And again, his first thought was that 'advanced' robot.

"GIR, What are you DOING over there?" he cried out, shielding his head from the small shower of dirt and rocks and such that were being shaken loose by the vibrations. He received no answer from the robot, and decided to get his computer to figure out what was going on. After all, if this went on for much longer things might really get ugly. "Computer, locate the... middle... thing of the shakies!"

"What if I don't want to? This vibrating is the most action I've had in a while," it stated blankly, sore that it wasn't being utilized the way it should be.

"JUST DO IT."

"Say please."

The only response it received after that was a long and drawn out hiss from its master. Had the machine had a head it would have shaken it.

"Fine, fine..." it sighed. Putting its sensors to use it was a moment or two before the epicentre of the mini earthquake had been detected. "It seems it's originating from–"

Before the sentence could be finished the ground beneath Zim's feet burst apart, revealing a very large and very dangerous drill. As the machine crept more into his base he saw that it was connected to a pod that protected one very big headed human from whatever he needed to drill through.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, EARTH SQUISHY?" Zim burst drastically, pointing a quivering finger in the boy's direction.

Staring dumfounded at the alien he stepped out of the pod, wondering if he was hearing right. "Really, Zim, by now I'd think you'd know what I'm here to do. It's nothing new aside from the method..."

"And what is it that you plan on doing?"

"The same as always."

"I WILL NOT let you have a FARTING contest with a moose this time, DIB-STINK!"

"Uh..." he started, truly unsure what he should say, "Okay then. You know, you seem a bit... crazier than usual. And honestly, I've had a long night, so... I'm just going to head off for a while. But I'll be back, Zim... oh, will I be back!"

With a shake of his gigantic head he climbed back into the pod, turned the drilling machine around, and exited through the same hole he'd created. Once he was gone Zim smiled victoriously and, shoving his fist into the air as if he'd actually accomplished something, celebrated, "Zim has come out on top once MORE! Never shall that earth scum defeat THE GREAT and mighty ZIM!"

The action gone, Gir pranced out from beneath a bunch of wires, chicken bone clenched in its hand. Stepping around the celebrating alien it spotted the machine he'd been working on not too long ago and stuck the bone where the chip was supposed to go.

"Mastah, I found the chippy chip! It gone done look good in there, yeah?"

Zim's attention was torn from his victory to the problem at hand. His eyes growing wide he gaped, "Gir, no! A feather-beast's bone doesn't go there! The machine, it's going to...!"

And with that, the machine exploded.

-End-

So there you have it. A very random Invader Zim diddy. I only really did it to practice the characters' personalities and such, but I think it turned out fairly well... if very random. Like, crazy random. But I don't mind, it's all good. As usual, I don't own nothin'.


End file.
